motke:

He read the Note to the Reader section. Below is a vague paraphrase that is not in this book, but might exist in a book that someone would read:

Dearest Reader,

Considering the blandness of soda water without the actual cola syrup being added at the point your wax-coated paper cup touches the beverage dispenser, I implore you to speak to the manager before dumping out your cup full of murky, undrinkable beverage. The manager can often help in these situations. In regards to the book in your hands, the same logic applies. If you find it lacks syrup, or if syrup starts oozing from the pages, please return the book to the shelf or library or cubby hole in which you found the book.

Syrup is not supposed to pour out of the pages of a book.

In the case that you catch fire while reading the book, gently set the book aside and find some water. The fire could destroy your clothing and burn your skin.

I hope you enjoy the book. Beware of doppelgangers.

I like my books extra syrupy. It’s why I do all my shopping at the Taco Bell Bookstore on Washington.