My name is Andrew Schmidt
(via writeforradio)
He was known as Dr. Hibas but his real name was Robert Meownson. He sold one of his 6 remaining lives to the devil to shock and awe with amazing banjo skills. Sometimes he at mice and other times, bacon molded in the shape of mice. He always preferred bacon but kept it a close-held secret until the day he died; when he told his landscapers the truth.
He was laid to rest after gambling his remaining 5 lives away at a Russian roulette tournament in Minsk. He eternally lies in Baklava Cemetery, where once a year pilgrims travel to his grave and make offerings of bacon and unicorn cutlets. The latter are always breaded with panko, in the traditional manner. He is survived by 53 children and 127 grandchildren. His 3rd wife still lives in Boston.
